I moved across the country! Here’s what I learned.

 It’s been 3 months since I moved across the country by myself into a house with people I didn’t know and without a job prospect (I know crazy right?!) and by golly I’ve learned so much from it. Honestly, this wasn’t supposed to be a blog. I was just writing in my journal and reminiscing on all that I’ve learned this season but then I realized that the things I’ve learned were LIFE CHANGING, like they’ve actually changed the way I live my life. And I thought if someone else out there was struggling with the same things and I could help them realize some life-changing things too, than it was worth posting. So here we are! 5 things that I’ve learned this season that have changed the way I live my life.

• A job or a calling/purpose does NOT define your WORTH

You are not loved for what you do but for WHO YOU ARE. Man, we’re starting off with a big one here. That one just shocked me to my core for some reason. And I know it’s because I have (and I think a lot of people do) based my worth on what I am doing in life or what I have accomplished. Let me tell you it will only take you being jobless for a while to learn that you can’t base your worth on a job. But the most important thing that I learned from that season is that you don’t need a specific job to have a purpose or calling or to do that purpose. This season I found my calling in serving others as best as I can; holding someone while they cry, doing the dishes, speaking encouragement into others lives, pushing others closer to Christ, etc. and that is JUST AS PURPOSEFUL as working a 9-5 job. 

It shouldn’t be what you do that defines who you are but HOW you do it! Colossians 3:17- “and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus” Whatever you do. This season I learned how to honor the Lord in EVERYTHING that I did. I learned that once I stopped thinking about honoring my calling as doing a specific job, everything became clearer.

• I am an ADULT and I get to make my own DECISIONS           

Seems really obvious I know but it’s really hard to do when all your life you’ve based what you do on what others think you should do. But one day it just hit me real hard. Nobody else IS us, so nobody else can make decisions FOR us. You can get advice from 10 million people but ultimately it’s you who’s going to have to take control and make a choice for your life and you should. Because if you don’t, you’re really not living your life, you’re just letting others live theirs through you (which never works out well). 

Learn to respect the choices you make and don’t let anyone else disrespect them if you KNOW that they are right. Be stubborn as heck when you believe in something and don’t let anyone stop you. What I’ve found is that when you rally around your own decisions people will start to rally around them too. When you believe in what you’re doing and passionately chase after it, people will start to as well. And if they don’t, pardon my crassness but screw them! If you know something is right, do it and don’t let anyone else convince you otherwise. Be open to advice (because Lord knows we need it most of the time) but don’t let that advice convince you of what to do.

• If someone refuses to change the way that they are hurting you, it’s time to let them go. 

You are worth more than being constantly emotionally and verbally hurt/abused by someone (even if they seem great (sometimes) and they are nice (sometimes) and they are “your brother or sister in Christ and you’re called to love them”. Staying with someone toxic in the hopes of “changing them”or “loving them through the hardship”is not loving, in fact it’s the opposite. Real love is telling someone the hurt they’re causing so they can actually change and if they won’t change, leaving them. Because if you don’t you’re just feeding into the belief that they can do whatever they want and treat you badly and you will put up with it, and so they will keep doing it. Sometimes we need to stop catching people and let them fall and bruise their butts a little bit in order for them to see that what they’re doing isn’t okay. 

Yes we are called to love one another in Christ but the Bible literally says “As for a person who stirs up division, after warning them once and then twice, HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM -Titus 3:10”. And trust me there are many more examples of this same concept (Matthew 18:15, 2 Thessalonians 3, etc.) And you can love someone in Christ from afar (It’s called prayer!) 

If someone wont change after we’ve warned them of their sin multiple times, we are called to LEAVE THEM. (I know, unpopular opinion). But the reason it’s unpopular is because in this culture somehow our idea of love and grace has become letting someone be hurtful and hateful without repercussions or admonistration and that’s just not love y’all. That’s not what God says love is. Of course don’t just leave someone without giving them a chance or two, if we left one another whenever we messed up in relationships we’d all have no friends. There’s always grace, but there needs to be truth too. 

• If we don’t pursue growth and healing, it won’t happen. 

I think most people, me principally, fall into the trap of thinking that if you just pursue good things and keep moving forwards, growth and healing will just happen. But that’s not really true. Sure God does miracles I’m not excluding that, but even then we usually have to ask for them. God heals by faith in the Bible, ours and other peoples. So if we aren’t strongly believing for healing and/or walking forwards in pursuit of it, we usually wont get it. Matthew 7:7- “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. All growth in this verse and many others is conditional on our actions. If we don’t ask, we won’t receive. If we don’t seek, we won’t find. If we don’t knock, the door will not be opened to us. 

If this season has taught me anything it’s that we have to attack our fears and weaknesses to grow from them. Like straight up attack them. The only way I’ve gotten over my fears is actually doing the thing I’m afraid of. Like literally just doing it. 

• I used to be afraid of heights, until I did zip-lining at camp when I was a kid. 
• I used to be afraid of spiders, until a man at Gatorland in Florida made me close my eyes and (unbeknownst to me) put a tarantula in my open hands. Yes that actually happened. And you know what? I wasn’t even afraid once I had the spider in my hands, not one bit. 
• I used to be afraid of scary movies when I was little, until I made myself watch one every single night until I stopped having nightmares. Now I love scary movies. 

The list could go on, because I’ve been afraid of so many things. This season it’s dancing one-on-one with someone. I know it sounds super simple but dancing with someone scares the utter crap out of me. Like I want to run in the opposite direction and hide in my room and cry kind of scared. So I decided that from now on I’m going dancing at least once a month to a country swing-dancing bar. I literally make myself go even though I want nothing more than to never go dancing ever. The first couple times I just watched. Then I did a line dance to just get myself on the dance floor, that in itself was a big step. The next time I did a couple line dances. And then one fateful night I decided it was time and I danced with someone one-on-one, I just did it. And let me tell you I was not great at it, but I did it and I actually had fun! I’m still working on this one but I’m making progress and it is so freeing!

If we don’t attack our fears, we will never overcome them. And attacking can mean so many things. For me at first, just being at a dancing bar was an attack on my fear of dancing. But the point is if we don’t put ourselves in places where we are uncomfortable or scared, we will never actually grow. Wishful thinking alone will get you nowhere. 

• Some things just dont need to be said aloud

We all have opinions but that doesn’t mean we need to share them. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 18:2 and it says “ fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in the airing of their own opinions” DANG okay. So we’re actually supposed to LISTEN instead of TALK and that makes us WISE? Who knew? (Read with sarcasm). 

I can’t tell you how many times people have told me what they thought of my life, their opinion, and it has not only not helped me in any way but just put a stumbling block in my path. Now I know they mean it as loving and helpful and that most of the time they’re not trying to be hurtful, but that doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact hurtful. And most of the time I don’t need to say MY opinion about other people’s lives. Let me let you in on this little thing I’ve learned by experience. If someone doesn’t ask for your opinion, they probably don’t want it. And unless someone is about to walk into a proverbial wall of a mistake or they are in the dark about truth, you just don’t need to share your opinion, it just doesn’t need to happen. Most of the time people just need someone to listen to them, and that’s all. 

Phew! There’s been so many other things I’ve learned but if I listed them all out this blog would be so dang long so I’ll stop here. Those are the biggest things that this past season has taught me. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading or at least got a laugh in here or there! This move was one of the best decisions of my life and the Lord has been so sweet in creating a home for me here in Colorado. I have a job I’m excited to go to, I have dozens of new friends who are so sweet, a church that I love going to and the best roommates ever (including one cute as heck German Shepherd puppy). Take risks folks! And follow the Lords voice even if it’s scary, you will never regret it I promise!! Love y’all!