During quarantine and while I’ve been waiting to hear back on whether my squad will launch again for the world race, I’ve taken up running again. I used to run a lot when I was younger and have run in spurts now and again over the last 4 years but all in all I am very out of shape. But I thought “hey, I have the time right?” And honestly for me running is very cathartic and how I cope with anxiety a lot of the time so since I’m in this very uncertain and unknown time of my life I thought it would be a good way for me to process my emotions into a positive outlet. And honestly, I didn’t really think it would be anything more than that, but boy was I wrong. Running has been one of the things that in this season of my life, God has used to speak into my daily life in the most amazing ways! So here are some of the things I’ve learned.
Running is a head race. It’s not about the body, it’s about the mind. On my third week of running I ran into this problem. I could run the first mile just fine but then at exactly the mile marker I would stop, my heart would be beating so fast, my breathing coming fast, my legs tired and my mind completely convinced of the fact that I couldn’t go any further than that without stopping. And of course I would stop and stretch and then start again and finish my run but something about it just kept bothering me. I got so frustrated and kept thinking “why can’t I just go longer without stopping?”. I’d been running for 2 weeks, 6 days a week and I knew I should have been able to go longer. But everyday it would happen. 1 mile and then I’d stop and eventually I’d completely convinced myself that I wasn’t improving at all. I got so frustrated that I decided I needed to stop, to take a break and reevaluate what was going on. So on Wednesday, the middle of my running week I stopped, I gave my body time to rest and my mind a break and then the next day I started up again. But this time I did something different. I decided to just run a mile without stopping, that’s it. And then the next day I would run 1.10 miles without stopping and the next day 1.20 miles and so on. I was determined that my body could do it. And then something funny happened. The first day I ran 1.10 miles without stopping, and the next 1.25 miles without stopping and the next 1.72 miles without stopping. And it wasn’t because my body just suddenly could do it. It was because I’d stopped running with my body and started running with my mind. No longer did I listen to loud music to drown out my labored breathing while constantly checking my nike run app to see how much farther I had left to go. I started listening to podcasts and coaches and praying to God when I ran. I stopped speaking negatively to myself about how my body was aching or thinking I couldn’t make it to the finish line and I started contemplating what God was teaching me and how I could make the most of my days here in quarantine. Today on my run I planned out this blog! Haha! I stopped thinking about my body and started thinking about my mind and running didn’t suddenly become easy but it became easier!
My mind tries to convince me that I can’t. It tells me that I’m tired and worn out and I need a break and I can choose to listen to it if I wanted. But once I started choosing to exercise my mind as much as my body, it became a question of not “can I do it?” But “will I do it?”. It was a choice my mind made to keep going and not a capability of my body to be able to do it. Our bodies can do so much more than we realize, I could probably go and run 5 miles and my body would hold up! But would my mind? At this point, probably not! And that’s okay. Because as much as I’m exercising my body’s capability to run I’m exercising my minds will to do it even more. And that’s how life is as well. It isn’t about works, it’s about faith. As Christians, it’s not our capability but the capability of God to work through us! It’s not about us, its about Jesus in us! I get so tangled up sometimes wondering if I’m enough to do something. Am I good enough to be a missionary, strong enough to lead, patient enough to wait? But its not about me or my capabilities, its about a choice. If I choose to believe in Christ than I choose to believe that HE is enough FOR me. It’s not about my can, its about God’s can and my will! God can equip me to be a missionary, will I choose to obey his command and go? God can strengthen me with His power, will I choose to lead with Him by my side? God can endow me with patience, will I trust that He is working when I cannot? When I put aside my “can” I stop relying on myself to do things and start relying on God to do things through me. And when I take up my “will” I take ownership of the gift of freewill He’s given me and live a life of trust and confidence in His strength. In running and in life, I have to choose to keep going and forget the limits of my fleshly nature. It is our choice, whether to keep going or to give up.
Perseverance isn’t about enduring until victory its about our ability to keep going even though we might lose or have lost. Perseverance is beautiful but its also hard as heck. Ive had days running where I just feel terrible. I have to drag myself out of bed, I’m stopping every 30 seconds of my run to breathe, my mind has already given up. Perseverance doesn’t look pretty most of the time. That day I’m talking about was my first 3 mile run day and it was one of the hardest days of my running these last few weeks. I ran the whole 3 miles but I did it terribly. I stopped every .1 of a mile (really should do that because lactic acid am I right?) and my headspace was so negative. I did not have the right idea about running that day. Running for me that day was something I had to do, an obligation, and I was 100% convinced that I had failed that day. But the next day I got up again and I ran and it wasn’t as bad but it was still hard. That is perseverance, not that we run the best but that we still run despite our failings. It’s the hardest days and what we choose to do with them. Do we let them stop us or let them motivate us to do better? Perseverance is a big thing for me right now in life. Im waiting to hear if I’m relaunching on the race and trying to have hope and faith that God has control over my life even when I literally have zero idea what I’m doing. But I have to keep hoping, to keep going in faith even knowing that I might not get to where in my mind I’ve placed the finish line. That sometimes the victory is a little further away or a litter sooner than we realized and to keep going despite our failures along the way. I may have not run my best by any means that day but I kept running. That’s what God is calling us to do, to not give up despite our failures, but to let them guide us into growth.
And lastly, to run the race with my face towards the victory. It’s such a temptation for me to look at my mileage or my time while I’m running. I want to see how much longer I have or how far I’ve gone. I think it will be motivation but you know what happens every time I do? My breathing gets heavier, my legs are suddenly so much more tired than I realized and I start second-guessing myself in the run. I don’t know why but something about looking down and realizing where I am sets me back mentally. So I’ve learned to not look down, to keep going and to keep my face up towards the finish line and not towards my feet. It makes me think of in Ezekiel when He has the vision of the angels. It says “Each one went straight ahead. Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, without turning as they went” (Ezekiel 1:12). We run a better race when we do it with our eyes on the prize (AKA Jesus). “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfect or of faith” (Hebrews 12:2) We’re called not just to run the race but to do it with our eyes on Jesus.God has been teaching me how to run towards the victory and not in the battle, if that makes sense. Because if I focus on where I am somehow it makes me forget a little more where I am going and why. It’s not about head positioning its about heart positioning. Our focus should always be on Jesus and the victory He’s promised, because that is our fuel and fire. Looking away from that, even for a moment is how we trip in our faith. At the end of the day, it’s not about what we’re doing but what we’re doing it FOR. And looking towards Jesus/towards the finish line helps me do just that!
That is a little about what God is teaching me through running, I know it’s a lot! I hope that this inspires you maybe to run with your body but hopefully to run with your life!
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus the pioneer and perfect or of faith. -Hebrews 12:1-2
